The New World Countdown

My Essay About Egalitarianism

2009-08-22T22:40:00.004-05:00

This has nothing to do with music or television or media or anything else I blog about on a regular basis. I just kinda thought I'd put it here.

I attend a nondenominational evangelical church here in Wisconsin. I love my church, but the one thing I don't like about it is its position on women in the church. I am an Egalitarian Christian, which means that I believe that gender roles (apparently the new verbage is to call them "rôles" if it's about gender or race. I guess I'll do that.) are not biblical, and that passages about them are often mistranslated by (originally) mysoginists and (later) people who had been taught for all there lives that there were gender rôles (or just rôles? I give up) and thought that they were misunderstanding texts about women and such because of what they'd learned. My church takes a Complementarian stance, which means they believe women should be homemakers/child-rearers first, and men should be the ones to provide to the women, and it must work that way. That, therefore, forbids women from being clergy, even though there are several specific passages in the Bible that refer to priestesses, deaconesses, and prophetesses on an equal par with their ess-less (bad pun meaning male) counterparts. Here is the essay, which was originally a letter to my pastor (I emailed it to my pastor and it didn't go through, so I decided it wasn't such a good idea after all. It's kind of well-written though):

Dear Pastor ▓▓▓▓▓▓,

I remember in ICD class that we were taught that women were not generally allowed to be pastors, elders, etc. by biblical passages such as 1 Timothy 2. After reading my bible and various interpretations of this verse, I have come to disagree with this stance. I found the post at http://strivetoenter.com/wim/2009/01/07/was-1-timothy-2-written-to-the-church/ particularly helpful. In it, the author describes the error in the common Complementarian interpretation of this scripture. It explains how the scripture is frequently misinterpreted, as the passage referring to "a woman" is singular in Greek, leading us to presume that Paul was referring to one particular example.

Also helpful in that article was mention of Priscilla, which I will further clarify later. Priscilla, as is well known, was one of Paul's "fellow workers in Christ" (Rom. 16:3). Some translations misinterpret this passage as "helper," a diminutive noun, when in fact the Greek quite literally means "co-worker" or "colleague." She is described as equal in ministry to her husband Aquila, and, by total word count, is actually referenced more in all of the texts of Scripture. Priscilla is portrayed as teaching to both men and women in Paul's presence. How, then, can we assume that Paul's words in 1st Timothy apply univerally? Paul also references Phoebe in Romans 16:1 as the deacon or minister of the church at Cenchrea. She is the only deacon mentioned by name in the Bible. Why, then, are female deacons and ministers objected to today? Some [mis]translations go so far as to change the word to "helper" or "servant," when in fact the Greek word is "diakonos", which literally means "deacon" or "official servant (as of a ministerial body)", and is in fact the word from which the English "deacon" is derived. In Romans 6:7, Junia and Andronicus are described as "outstanding amongst the apostles." Junia is a female name. Some more recent translations have plucked the letter "s" out of mid-air, turning it into Junias, a male name. Some go so far as to change "outstanding amongst the apostles" to "men in high esteem" (Amplified translation) or "men of note" (RSV), when in fact the original Greek contains no reference to their being men, of course because one of them wasn't.

Acts 9:36 refers to a female disciple, Tabitha (her Greek name was Dorcas) who was revived by Peter. In Philippians 4:2, Syntyche and Euodia, both women, are described as Paul's active evangelical co-workers. As far back as the early Old Testament, Deborah was a high judge and military commander in ancient theocratic Israel. Miriam, Moses' and Aaron's sister, was one of Israel's triad of leaders during the Exodus. Perhaps most tellingly, the original Hebrew in Genesis 2:18 describes Eve as being Adam's "ay'-zer". That term literally means a co-worker, a word implying equal status. However, almost all translations of the last 300 years use the diminutive "help mate" or "helper." This was simply not the original text. Recent translations such as the NRSB and the CEV use the somewhat more correct "partner." Huldah or Huelda (alternate transliterations) was clearly described as a prophetess in 2 Kings 22:14 and later in 2 Chronicles 34:22, who verified the accuracy of Deuteronomy and brought about a religious revival. According to Karen Jo Torjenson: (directly quoted from http://www.religioustolerance.org/femclrg5.htm)

“… An ancient mosaic which shows four female figures. One is identified as Bishop Theodora. The feminine form for bishop (episcopa) is used. A 3rd or 4th century burial site on the Greek island of Thera contains an epitaph referring to Epiktas, a "presbytis" (priest or presbyter). Epiktas is a woman's name. A 2nd or 3rd century Christian inscription in Egypt for Artemidoras, whose mother is described as "Paniskianes, being an elder" (presbytera). A memorial from the 3rd century for Ammion the elder (presbytera). A 4th or 5th century Sicilian inscription referring to Kale the elder (presbytis).”

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

Ian ▓▓▓▓▓▓

Sources

http://www.religioustolerance.org/femclrg5.htm

http://www.religioustolerance.org/femclrg4.htm

http://www.scs.unr.edu/~fdaniels/rel/women.htm

http://secondrefirvington.blogspot.com/2008/09/created-for-one-another-sermon-genesis.html

http://strivetoenter.com/wim/2009/01/07/was-1-timothy-2-written-to-the-church/

(Notice that last names are replaced by ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓. This is the internet you know.)

(Another footnote: ICD is like our church's non-Catholic version of CCD. Except it's only a year. For those of you with no religious history whatsoever, that means a class about religion.)

#9 Best David Bowie Songs- Queen Bitch

2009-08-17T19:19:00.003-05:00

For a song entitled "Queen Bitch," most peoples' first expectations as such would probably not include the word "catchy." But Bowie's 1971 gem embodies the word in much the same way as Warhol's Campbell's Tomato Soup cans. Indeed, this is pop art which is literally pop.

A completely non-derivative hômage to Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground, "Queen Bitch" opens with an infectious, fast acoustic guitar progression which is quickly echoed by grittily distorted electric guitars. Bass and drums are next, followed by Bowie's vocals. He sings as though he were telling a joke, either putting himself cynically above the situation or stupidly below. "I'm up on the eleventh floor, watching the cruisers below," he sings, almost hilariously condescendingly. And although the word "bitch" is never used in the lyrics, Bowie makes it clear how he feels about the "Queen":

Walk out of her heart, walk out of her mind?

Oh no, not her!

She's so swishy in her satin and tat

In her frock coat and bipperty bopperty hat

Oh God, I could do better than that.

Although making it in the style of the Velvet Underground, he actually ended up resembling the later sound of T. Rex (the Electric Warrior/"Bang a Gong" era) more than he did Lou Reed. The resemblance to VU is clear though, especially during the intro.

"Queen Bitch" lived a second life on iTunes recently after being featured in the trailer for the Harvey Milk biopic, "Milk." Most people who didn't already know the song, however, now know it as "that catchy song from that one movie commercial." Such are the way things are.

Sorry About The Lack Of Posts.

2009-06-30T20:14:00.002-05:00

I had a wedding in Minocqua to go to, it was hours and hours away from my house and the guest place we were in had no Internet. And I'm really busy lately, but I can promise that come Monday, you can expect either the 9th-best Bowie song or an essay on why the entertainment industry needs to be completely destroyed and rebuilt from the ground up. We'll see.

#10 Best David Bowie Songs- Let's Dance

2009-06-21T20:49:00.004-05:00

Let's Dance is almost 2 separate songs: the strange, yet commercial and danceable, single version (first widget on the bottom) and the incredibly bizarre club-bounce album version (second). Don't be afraid to like the single version better, though; even classic rock stations that always play the album version if there is one play the single version of this one. The single version, which even Bowie would agree is the real song, opens with a Beatlesque rising vocal harmony, segueing into a high-bass, Chic-inspired, segmented stomp with synthesized, distorted brass alternating with a deliciously funky bass riff. It is then followed with a heavily echoed, phased, everything'ed vocal trade-off of the Beatlesque backup singers wailing "Let's dance" with Bowie crooning "Put on your red shoes and dance the blues." Vocals, songwriting, instrumentation is all exellent. It's obviously a product of the musically gilded '80s, but it is definitely one of the best products, showcasing the instruments and vocals in a non-sickening way, which is better than most '80s songs could be said to do. Also, instead of just using the drum machine because he can, Bowie's drum machine on this song aids the melody and texture of the song.

The album version opens with a strange, heavily synthesized and hypnotic percussion beat, followed by pumping, funky synths and heavy bass, then a sharper, more synthesized version of the main guitar riff, eventually leading into a muddier version of the well-known vocal intro, but with the drum machine and bleak synthesizers much higher in the mix. This leads into the background singers, accompanied by a hellishly high synthesized and/or distorted saxophone. This version is generally faster, and mimics the electronica and club music which would find its way closer to mainstream a few years later.

I would love to hear your comments as to which version is better. My vote is with the more melodic single version.

OH MY GODDDDDD!

2009-06-20T22:56:00.004-05:00

People actually read the blog! Past one hundred bay-bay! See that counter? WORD!

R.I.P. Pushing Daisies

2009-06-13T14:09:00.003-05:00

Last Saturday was the series finale of Pushing Daisies here in America. Originally there would have been two more episodes, but ABC (those bitches) cut it prematurely, so they re-filmed the last 5 or so minutes to close loose ends. To mourn the loss of the best show on broadcast television, not only can you buy the compete series as soon as it comes out, you can also read these quotes I've compiled.

Emerson: Well, that idea just made a stupid idea feel better about itself.

Olive (to Randy): Sorry if I was sending you mixed messages. But, you know, messages are like nuts. Who wants all the same kind? Mixed is the best. (nervous laughter)

Narrator: The pie-maker helped his friends in need. Not by pretending he was something he was not, but by embracing the very thing he always was. It gave him a feeling of joy he would later liken to leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

[Ned and Emerson standing in front of Sister LaRue's body]
Ned: I'm not sure how I feel about doing this... here... with her [Indicating the Statue of Mary]... and him. [Indicating Jesus on the crucifix]
Emerson: Well it ain't like he ain't never done it before; remember Lazarus?

Emerson: The truth ain't like puppies, a bunch of them running around, you pick your favorite. One truth and it has come knocking.

Ned: Is this a bad idea? Olive as a client? It's a little bit too close for comfort.

Emerson: Oh, hang on a second. Let me ask the money. [holds hand up to ear like a telephone]

Hey, money, it's me, Emerson.

I'm good, I'm good. Yeah. Thanks for asking. Say, can I still pay my bills and buy stuff with you, even though you was Olive's money first? Uh huh.

Ned: Wait.

Emerson: [still talking, laughs.] Yeah. OK, then. Thanks! [puts hand down] The money don't care. Touch him.

Chuck: What? You love secrets; you want to marry secrets and have little half-secret, half-human babies.

Emerson: I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry God.

Olive: Get out. This is a pie shop, not an herbal crack den.

[Olive talking to Digby (the dog), Digby licking Olive's hand]

Narrator: As Olive considered how much she loved Digby for paying attention to her when the pie-maker would not, Digby considered how much he loved salt.

Emerson: Sounds like you're narcoleptic.

Ned: I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?

Emerson: What's the other one?

Ned: Necrophiliac.

Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up inside my head.

Olive: Me too. I used to think that masturbation meant chewing your food. [Pause, everyone stares] I don't think that anymore.

Narrator: Exactly one mile to the west, Emerson Cod was also not thrilled. During times of stress or anxiety, he liked to knit. Since the arrival of the dead girl who was not dead, he found the stockinette stitch relaxing.

[later]

Chuck: Is he [Emerson] upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?

Ned: He barely knows you're here.

Narrator: But in fact, Emerson had already finished knitting a sweater vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.

Ned: "Maurice" and "Rolston"?

Chuck: You didn't even know their names?

Ned: You know, I'm glad Dad got so fun and creative with naming after he left us. "Goodbye, Ned. Hello, Mercutio and Ribald."

Narrator: The firm of Cod & Cod dedicated itself to the pursuit of truth at all costs... a pursuit the young Emerson found "badass."

Olive: [when checking into nunnery and told to sacrifice her belongings to the church] But I like my belongings. That's why they belong to me.

Vivian: It was her father's. I'm sure it's teeming with fungus and microscopic bugs that feed on flakes of human skin, but she was fond of it.

Olive: These nuns aren't my people. Unless you're telling me "flibbertigibbet" is a title of respect.

Olive: I am a sawed-off shotgun full of secrets.

Olive: Look carefully, ladies, this is your future.

Lily: Is it vodka?

Olive: Water.

Lily: As in Russian for vodka?

Vivian: Lily doesn't believe in water anymore. She thinks it's a waste of a perfectly good tumber.

Every once in awhile I'll pull out the old Pushing Daisies quote book and we can reminisce through this underread blog. Care to join me?

Quick Change

2009-06-13T11:34:00.003-05:00

It's now the top 11 Bowie songs becasue I forgot to add Rebel Rebel to the list and I can't delete the review of China Girl.

#11 Best David Bowie Songs- China Girl

2009-06-12T14:46:00.012-05:00

That's right! Not only did I nix my 1978 movies idea, my delusions of grandeur forced me to do my first top 10 list! [If you're reading this now, it's 11] Actually, it was not my delusions, but rather that there are so many great Bowie songs that I found it hard to choose just 5. From 1982's rather disappointing album Let's Dance, it was one of a barrage of three excellent songs at the beginning of the album, followed by lukewarm commercially-driven Chic-inspired dance offerings. Also on that album was a sterilized, absolutely terrible remake of his amazing soundtrack song Cat People, which to this day makes me about puke whenever I hear the remake.

So, anyway, the Grooveshark listen widget is at the bottom of the post. I should have thought of this earlier. After all, Grooveshark pwns. So, as you are scrolling down and clicking play, listen to the pseudo-Asian slide guitar intro (reminiscent of I Think I'm Turning Japanese) segueing into a danceable drum-driven Asian-influenced but obviously an 80's miracle, sung with wonderful theatrical paranoia by Bowie and tight, semisynthetic harmonies behind. This song was co-written with The Stooges' famously druggy Iggy Pop, while Iggy and Bowie were in Berlin recovering from their drug addictions. This, not the Asian love interest with acrylic fingernails pictured above and in the video, is the real subject of the song. China White, as I learned on Songfacts/in health class (really), is slang for heroin. In this light, that same danceable ditty with cryptic, paranoid-yet-simple lyrics becomes a harrowing portrait of a hopeless addict. "I'm a mess without my China Girl," stutters Bowie. "Wake up in the morning, where's my little China Girl?" That kind of drug personification, like in The Beatles' "Got To Get You Into My Life," has always been a little creepy for me, and probably lots of other people. Bowie knows this better than Iggy did on his 1977 recording of the same song (from The Idiot), and the paranoid vocals exemplify this and make the effect sadder.

The instrumental track features a very lightly distorted, smooth-sounding, almost jazzy guitar, as well as a not-terrible drum machine (I think) and a constant eerie synthesizer to match the eerie vocals. The melody is good too, buoyed by a danceable, groovy bass (lol), as this comes out of the same writing period as the amazing Heroes album, which may have been his best effort ever. (HINT, HINT, cough.)

I Wanna Be Like Osama!

2009-06-11T10:55:00.007-05:00

This is bizarre in so many ways. Yet, I want to go see this play. It's from a musical called "Jihad: The Musical!", which features other sure winners like "We Ran Away" (sung by the French) and "Building A Bomb Today (What Does The Manual Say)". Premiered at Edinbugh Fringe Festival in 2007. Hopefully if comes to America and doesn't get charged with a hate crimes felony... :) I guess Skins wasn't so far off...

TV Roundup

2009-06-03T20:44:00.005-05:00

Come to think of it, I might not do the 1978 thing. I probably will though.

Oh well. This is a new feature I'm débuting called TV Roundup. Every once in awhile I feel it necessary to acknowledge the meager accomplishments of the TV generation. This is basically like an "Honourable Mention" section for shows that didn't make Top 5 status. I don't watch much TV, but I sample so I can review.

FOX's Fringe is interesting. Occasionally it's over the top, but I love its macabre tone similar to that of late greats such as The X-Files and The Twilight Zone. It just finished its first season, so it's still got time to work out the kinks. The mad scientist guy is probably the best new character on TV in a very long time. It's about a series of strange occurences investigated by a team on the East Coast, all linked to a giant multinational corporation. I sense political messages coming, especially with the way the first season ended. Episodes range from 2/5 to 4.5/5- sometimes inconsistent.

Its direct competitor, The Mentalist, is just as good, and only after both of their seasons were over did I discover I can tape one thing with my pathetic VHS recorder and watch a different one at the same time. All this time I thought the people in City Slickers were lying. Anyway, this one is solely in the world of the realistic and follows a "mentalist" who observes people, their reactions, and their body language and stuff to find out who's guilty. It kind of treads unconventional territory, you might say, but not really. There's lots of shows like that this season. Unconventional is a plus anyway. Episodes range from 3.5/5 to 4.5/5.

Another very similar show, this time an indirect competitor, but allthewhile different, sort of, is Lie To Me. Um, this one is more like a team of human polygraphs I guess. This one's good too, but there's only so much similar-but-good you can take before you go insane. Call me next year...

And I'm in love with The Goode Family. God, this is the best parody of yuppie green culture I have seen in my life. I think it is one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. It's from the creator of King of the Hill, Office Space, Idiocracy, and Beavis and Butthead, but it's more in the vein of the movies (Office Space and Idiocracy). But you can definitely see the King of the Hill influence. But just watch it. Watch it. Watch it. It's funny. If you've missed the ones they've done already, you can probably watch them at ABC.com. So watch it.

Parks and Recreation is funny, because of Amy Poehler and crew, and whoever plays Tom, but it's too similar to The Office right now. Compare and contrast Leslie Knopes with Michael Scott. Similarities abound. Amy Poehler does great at the part as she normally does, and the depressing similarity is going down, but ith's still there. But it's a 1st-seasoner. It has time.

England's Skins is OK. It's incorrigible at times, but Osama! The Musical is the most offensively hilarious moment on TV that wan't on South Park. Occasional moments of absolute greatness. These great moments were much more common in the first series than in the more hesitant second one.

The Evolution Of The Human Blog

2009-05-21T22:17:00.004-05:00

I guess. Lol, that sounds quite epic. If you've been a good little follower of my pseudoexpertise, you will notice that my posts have been getting longer and using bigger words. Hooray for me. Stimulate your little brains before the Hulu people come and eat it. They came to my door the other day, but they went away because I was reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. It's a really good book, you've probably seen the movie, this is equally recommended. After reading its sharp observation of a mental health system in disrepair, it makes it very easy to picture Ken Kesey as the Furthur-driving hippie Merry Prankster he was. Hmph.

#1 Best Show On Broadcast Television Right Now- Pushing Daisies

2009-05-18T16:35:00.009-05:00

Probably, you didn't expect this at #1. But it is. Smartly described as a "forensic fairy tale" by its maker, Brian Fuller. That's a perfect label for this whimsical masterpiece, which combines the best aspects of CSI (the mystery), Wonderfalls (the whimsicality), and... uniqueness, without maintaining the bad elements of them, like CSI's taking itself too seriously and adding needless gore, and uniqueness's sometimes unintentional idiocracy, and Wonderfall's... well, there was nothing wrong with Wonderfalls. Just as there is nothing wrong with Pushing Daisies.

But all good things come to a violent end prematurely, and moreso with TV. ABC axed their perfect show because Nielsen's outdated rating system didn't favour it, and its buildup was messed with by the writers' strike. Bullcrap. This is the best show on TV since Seinfeld. The reason I can still say it's current is because there are still 3 episodes left, jammed between ratings seasons at terrible timeslots. (starting Saturday, 30 May! Hooray in a way, but also not hooray because after this all I'll have left is the collector's box set that I'll buy the day it comes out.) We're not sure yet, but it will either be replaced by a puke-inducing primetime soap opera à la Grey's Anatomy, or two puke-inducing comedies à la 2½ Men or How I Met Your Mother. Gross! This is such a good show, it will be a shame to find out what they put in its timeslot. They have Rescued Scrubs there now, which is nowhere near the originality of how it used to be because of ABC's famed stinginess and terribleness. (Is that a word?) But it won't last long. Probably half the fans think it's cancelled forever because it left NBC, and 8.00/20.00 Wednesday is a death slot.

But anyway. Pushing Daisies is a comedy-drama-romance-mystery-fantasy-other things-hybrid about Ned (Lee Pace), a skilled piemaker who has the ability to make dead things come alive by touching them. But this amazing (or terrible?) ability comes with caveats: the things he makes alive must die again within a minute, which he can do by touching them, otherwise something of equal cosmic significance (in humans' case, other people) will die in their place. (This is why he makes such good pies-- he can revive dead fruit to perfect ripeness; the fruit is replaced by flowers, cosmically.) Sounds serious, but really, it's a fun show. He finds this out when he is 12ish and his mother has a stroke and dies on the floor, and he revives her, and as a consequence, the girl next door (Anna Friel, character name Charlotte "Chuck," who he has a crush on)'s father drops dead spontaneously. But his mother dies again when they kiss goodnight. He also revives his dog. 20ish years later, his dog is still alive, and he finds out that the girl next door has been killed on a cruise ship. So he revives her, and they fall in love again, and the funeral director dies. The caveat interferes; they can never touch again. So, they both work at their restaurant, ThePie Hole, along with Olive (Kristin Chenoweth), who is chatty, happy, and hopelessly in love with Ned. Together with private investigator Emerson Cod (brilliantly played by Chi McBride), they solve mysteries on the side by reviving the victims and asking them who killed them, and splitting the reward money. Also featured are Chuck's introverted, polar-opposite, personality-disordered aunts Vivian (Ellen Greene, who plays a brilliantly innocent part, like an older version of her part in Little Shop of Horrors) and Lily (Swoosie Kurtz), who think that she is still dead. They receive mail-order pies from the Pie Hole, where Chuck bakes in antidepressants for them, as they have depression but don't take their pills. This season, we found out that Lily was actually Chuck's mother, and Vivian doesn't know this. Also, the perfectly dry narrator Jim Dale adds something to the show.

In a quip, watch it. Before it's gone forever.

UPDATE: (17 June 2009) At time of now, when you are currently reading this im jetzt, it is gone forever unless you catch reruns or the DVD release.

Depression sets in... an overall look at shallowness

2009-05-17T00:13:00.008-05:00

I was browsing people in locations near me. See, because you know, I'm in high school and many bloggers are high schoolers. So I came across this class project for English 9 in one teacher's class and I know several of the kids on there. And it made me want to kill myself. In fact, one of them was a close friend's ex-boyfriend who broke up with her and is currently crawling back. Also a pastor's kid. Whaddayaknow?

And I was reading their reviews and it was terrible. The fact that they have to be forced to read and spoon-fed it through the computer to get them to read one book is pathetic. The teacher (who I had once and is good) 's review was great, and of a not-so-great book, but the funny part was it directly assaulted the shallowness with which he probably new they were going to approach it with, and in their comments, some of them didn't bat an eye to drop it from high up into the wading pool.

One person, who I know kind of well, said: "If explaining internal struggles is the sacriest [sic] thing about this book, then I would not read it."

Another, who I'm not sure if I know because of the generic first name, said: "This book does sound interesting because there are zombies, but the popularity issue is the only thing bad about this book."

The synopsis of the opposite pole was: "Well, zombies, like, no, but, like, you know, did someone say popularity? Popularity? I {(have attained Godlike status in my own skewedly naïve teenage female mind in this respect)/(want this so badly that I carry a copy of Twilight around even after I finish my monthly pilgrimage through its 500 sacred pages)}!

The review basically said it was social commentary about teen shallowness, in fact it almost made me want to read the book, which is quite outside my regular genre... Here's a quote from the review:

"Applying the zombie theme to a high school setting reveals some interesting things about teenagers. Are kids raised on MTV, the Internet, and video games like a bunch of zombies? Don’t they all act, talk, and dress the same way? Are they just brain-dead slaves of popular culture? Doesn’t the media just brainwash kids by telling them what’s cool and how to act? And what about issues of popularity and fitting in?"

The author of the book even stopped by on comments and said thanks for the intelligent review.

"Social commentary?", I can picture one of them saying. "Whooooa, like, what's that? OMG I got a new text!" Or maybe "Is that like saying something about your society? WICKED, mannnn! I have some of that! Legalize it!" Perhaps "Sounds cool and everything. Does Twilight have any social commentary?"

Which brings me to my next point of exasperation. Their actual reviews were puke-inducing. So liberal with 9/10's. Have they no standards to measure it to? "Oooooh, it was SOOOOO good, you know, it was all about popularity and hot boys and cutting yourself in the bathroom during study hall, and, you know, things us sheeple teen girls love to read about, and this author is so cool, cuz like, you know, they know what we want to read, can you imagine?! Totally! But, you know, it was full of plot holes and there was a part about internal fears or society or God and man or, you know, something beyond my intellectual capacity. So, yeah, had to skip a few pages so I could save my precious mind for texting and not have to worry about important questions and stuff. That's for, like, grown-ups, you know? I'm here to shop and party and get pregnant because I think he's the one and oh he's so perfect and watch I'm like Bella in Twilight. Ooooooh Robert Pattinson!!!!! OMG!!!!! HEART STOPPED!!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMG!"

The guy version of it was also stereotypical, but their book was almost invariably about war or sports.

Or some pseudo-serious analysis on some bullshit (pardon my French... I'd been avoiding that but it was inevitable) Halo dime novel about exquisite images or something. Halo. Really?

I have officially lost all faith in humanity.

Never mind. That's not the first time I've said that. It always finds its way back somehow, only to be crushed by something like this.

Bravo to the teacher for trying to get kids to read, but most of them are insalvageable. Sorry.

...

After thinking about that, it is probably the most cynical thing I have ever said. It's not as bad as I make it. I just don't believe the shallowness of a significant number of those around me. Granted, there were a couple intelligent reviews with a smaller amount of grammar mistakes and no TTYL-ese. Incidentally, one of those was by my friend's ex. Whaddayaknow?

I'm not going to put the link here. That would be rude. If you really want to find it, with all the quotes and hints I've dropped, it shouldn't be hard to find it on Google. If you know me and therefore some of the people I'm talking about you can just email me. But still.

I bet you can't guess what's next

2009-05-16T18:59:00.003-05:00

Try me. Guess what I think is the #1 show on broadcast television right now. Try.

I don't know what comes next. Actually, I do. Continuing with the unintentional late-70s motif this blog has been stirring, I'm going to do a countdown of the best 5 movies of 1978. I'm also still trying to get some of my friends with similar tastes who won't write dumb things to co-author this blog.

#2 Best Shows on Broadcast Television Right Now- 30 Rock

2009-05-12T16:29:00.006-05:00

America's NBC's 2nd entry on this list... I'm confused as to why NBC has the lowest ratings. They have two excellent shows (Office, 30 Rock), several good shows (SNL, Earl, Heroes, Medium, ER (not anymore), Chuck) and two unproven, improving, but promising new ones (Parks and Recreation, Southland). Only the Thursday ones make my weekly viewing list (not much does, I don't watch much TV but I sample the new shows and stuff), as opposed to the utter bullcrap of such ratings-grabbers as 2½ Men and The Big Bang Theory. But away from the the-masses-are-stupid spiel, and onto the matter at hand.

30 Rock is one of the few shows left on TV that is intelligent, funny, creative, unique, and genuinely fun to watch, basically all the qualities you look for in a friend on the first day at a new school. (A little cliché, I didn't try too hard. I love typing é. I don't know why. É é é é twahahahaha. I could type whatever I want here, I just type things that people might be interested in reading because I feel like it.) In fact, TV never really was the forefront of intelligent humour. But this show is literally a masterpiece. All five main actors are great, and perfectly casted. The scripts are the work of people who could be writing [good] movies and books. Tina Fey is a comic genius. This is a perfect part for Alec Baldwin. This is a perfect part for Tracy Morgan. This is a perfect part for newer faces Jane Krakowski and Jack McBrayer. Well, Krakowski isn't completely new; she was in Ally McBeal and apparently played Cousin Vicky in Vacation and appeared in some Flintstones movie and Fatal Attraction. Again, re-near distraction!

30 Rock is about Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), the head writer and director of a late-night comedy variety sketch show (I wonder where she got that idea...) and the colourful cast of characters around her, in 30 Rockerfeller Plaza, including fickle attention-seeking starlet Jenna Moroney (Krakowski), troubled Tracy (basically himself) whose unpredictability is one of the funnier aspects of the show, callous corporate bigwig Jack Donaghy (Baldwin), and naïve Southern NBC Page Kenneth (McBrayer). Also included are childish Frank (Judah Friedlander), Liz's absentminded and laid-back assistant Cerie (Katrina Bowden), proud African-American intellectual-type Toofer (Keith Powell), Tracy's entourage Grizz and Dot-Com (Grizz Chapman, Kevin Brown), immature semi-star Josh Girard (Lonny Ross), and Jack's creepily devoted assistant Johnathan (Maulik Pancholy). Can you say character-based? You just have to watch it.

Interesting video I found...

2009-05-08T20:04:00.003-05:00

This is a CNN news video about the new practice of official government spying on suspected terrorists' houses. I think it might be crossing the line, but you decide. Feel free to leave any comments... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxnWl63Avo4

#3 Best Shows On Broadcast Television Now- The Office (US)

2009-05-04T21:41:00.007-05:00

The British version was an absolute masterpiece. While notas good, the American version has a distinct, hilarious, yet unique look at everyday mundanities. The British version is no longer with us, being prematurely cut, but its illegitimate American son is. The talented Steve Carell plays his most memorable role here, barring any future efforts, as socially inept dumbass Michael Scott, who is somehow marginally likable and effective. He is unquestionably the star, followed in importance by Pam Beesly, Dwight Schrute, and Jim Halpert. Jim is the wry everyman, and Pam is a less wry everywoman (never seen that word before but whatever. Affirmative action). They are the obvious love interests. Rainn Wilson's Dwight is the eccentric Pennsylvania Dutch paper salesman who moonlights as a beet farmer with his odd cousin. They interact perfectly with Michael and each other. The casting really couldn't be better. I suspect all of them will go on to better things after the Office is closed for business (hopefully much better than Wilson's sickeningly terrible The Drummer or whatever it was called. Carell's performances in Anchorman andDan in Real Life were also pretty good, but this is what he will be remembered for.). Other characters include gay Mexican Oscar Núñez, cat-loving conservative Christian semi-whore Angela, fat-dumb-and-happy Kevin (the accountants), old soul who is actually Michael's age Phyllis, begrudging drone Stanley, chatty teen-stuck-in-adult-body Kelly, ex-Grass Roots guitarist and old pothead Creed Bratton (actually him!), alcoholic single mom Meredith, obsessive-compulsive passive-agressive Jan (with a fittingly hyphenated surname), dorky anger-management case Andy Bernard, drab HR rep Toby, and many many more. This is probably the best or second-best sitcom left on TV. Thankfully, the other one is right after it...

NOTE: I was stupid and forgot his hilarious role in Little Miss Sunshine, the best comedy of the last 10 years besides Juno, and probably Fargo if you want to cound that as a comedy. But was that the last 10 years? Ahhhh, let's not worry about it.

Mein Erste Blogeintrag (auf Deutsch)

2009-05-01T18:20:00.005-05:00

Ich lerne Deutsch... könnt ihr mich verstehen? Meine Blogeinträge sind nicht schätzbar. So gern ich auch möchte, ich blogge nicht oft. Ich blogge gern, aber habe ich keine Zeit. Ich spreche nur ein bisschen Deutsch. Vergeb mir bitte, ob meine zweisprachige Texte sind schwer ablesbar; ich lerne noch. Kommentiert sind shätzte. Meine Muttersprache ist Englisch (offensichtlich), und ich bin aus Amerika. Ich lerne Sprachen gern.

#4 Best Shows On Broadcast Television Now- Kath & Kim (Australia)

2009-04-10T22:14:00.005-05:00

Sure, the American version is ok-ish. It's like Warren Beatty's Shampoo in TV show form with superficial middle-class people pretending to be rich rather than actually-rich superficial people. But the Australian original is a masterpiece. Each character is deliciously quirky, from slightly-overweight, spoiled recent divorcée (or, as coined, seperatée) to an older divorcée facing another marriage, to a sports-loving morbidly obese friend frequently treated with disdain. What's not to love? Throw in a metrosexual butcher as a spouse, and the Computa-City salesman as the other spouse, whose constant cheating and fear of being called a wussy overcomes all other feelings. You just have to watch it to get what I'm saying... of course.

#5 Top Shows on Broadcast Television Now- Corner Gas

2009-04-07T16:08:00.008-05:00

It's been sickeningly long since I last updated, but here I am, and there you aren't, because nobody reads this anyway. At least now I'm on Google but I'm pretty far down...

So here I am with Nummer Fünf on the 5 Best TV Shows On TV Right Now list. Nothing to do with German, I just put that on there as it popped in my head. You may or may not have heard of everyone's favourite Canadian import, Corner Gas.

It's, sadly, in its last season on CTV. Surely it will be syndicated somewhere, and while its current timeslot on America's WGN is less than desirable, this is the TiVO age and you'll be fine. Even VCRs can do that if you're not a new-techie.

So, let's actually write about the show. Yes, that was plural. I'm a renowned schizo. At the confluence of The Office, Andy Griffith, and ummmmm... some other show. It chronicles the life (or, as one reviewer smartly put it, lack thereof) of Brent, the manager/owner/something of a (or, more correctly, the) small-town gas station in rural Sasketchawan (forty kilometres from nowhere). The obvious [forever-unrequited] love interest, Lucy, comes in from the big city life in Toronto to run a local café when she inherits it from a dead relative or something. A colourful cast of characters includes the eccentric best friend, the overzealous new police officer, Brent's slightly senile father, the other police officer who verges on super-sensitive, and many more. Their quirks make this a very funny character-driven comedy.

Random Updates

2009-03-14T18:13:00.003-05:00

I swear my iPod is prescient. Today when I was walking my dog I had it on shuffle. And I hate to admit it, but I have three illegally downloaded songs on this iPod, and I feel kinda guilty, but not really; if I have to, I'll send an envelope with 0.99 cents in it to Warren Zevon's posthumous estate, or to Jeff Lynne/ELO and Christine McVie/Fleetwood Mac, but they have plenty of money already. It's not like I don't buy legally from them too; I do. But anyway, the iPod plays all three of them in a row. I also have two versions of Elton John's Madman Across the Water: the shelved 8-minute first version which is a bonus track on Tumbleweed Connection and the studio version from the album of the same name. And right after the other thing, it plays both of these in a row. And whil I try to minimise double-copies of songs, I have two copies of Bob Dylan's Rainy Day Women, and guess what this damned iPod does as soon as it's done playing both versions of Madman... you guessed right! It played both versions of Rainy Day Women 12 and 35. There are like 800 songs on there, I really wonder what the cances are of this happening... kinda creepy :).

Anyway, the next countdown is Top 5 Best Shows on TV Right Now. I'm also hoping to get another author on here so we can get more countdowns going. I'm still not on Google, GRRR! but I'll live. To all two of you reading, tell all your wonderful little friends about this abso-effing-amazing blog!

#1 Best Albums of 1979- Rust Never Sleeps

2009-03-13T15:04:00.003-05:00

Neil Young, the only member of Buffalo Springfield or CSNY to have a valuable solo career that went beyond a few singles (and valuable it was), was perhaps the greatest artist of the 70's. Maybe not, but possibly. This is perhaps his best album.

Reminiscent of Dylan's Bringing it All Back Home with its acoustic and electric sides, most of this album was recorded semi-live in San Francisco. Highlights include both versions of Out of the Blue/Into the Black, the Lynyrd Skynyrd-ish Powderfinger, the acoustic Thrasher, and the odd Ride My Llama, though all the songs are good. The unique songwriting and odd performance methods are two of the major factors in its greatness. As any Neil Young fan will tell you, his best albums are a mix of harder rock music, softer folk music, and mainstream pop and country, offering a little for every taste in a style unique to him.

#2 Best Albums of 1979- Tusk

2009-03-02T17:21:00.007-06:00

Fleetwood Mac's masterwork of a double-album is a bizarre, cocaine-fuelled frenzy of Lindsey Buckingham's wild, short rockers, and bizarre Stevie Nicks tracks with mystic lyrics and instrumental textures ranging from hard rock to bare, quiet ones reminiscent of their interesting 1972 work Bare Trees, albeit that was with a different incarnation of the band. Christine McVie would be the same as ever, but with Buckingham at the production helms, her songs are turned into interesting guitar tracks (Think about Me), quietly stirring pieces (Brown Eyes, which features Peter Green, the Mac's blues-era leader), and gentle country-pop-rock-folk-somethings (Over and Over, Never Forget). This album is definitely a grower, don't just take it at face value. And if you don't have the volume high enough, you'll miss most of the gorgeous intros.

The best songs here are Sara, Think About Me, Sisters of the Moon, Angel, Walk a Thin Line, Tusk, Storms, Brown Eyes, and The Ledge. The interesting guitar effects throughout, especially in The Ledge, show you the high points of the production. Especially on Buckingham's tracks, you hear a coiled, dense, distorted yet not-disagreeable sound, while the sounds on McVie's tracks are more open-ended. Nicks' tracks are the most varied, from mystic hard rock (Sisters of the Moon) to mystic incredibly-quiet tracks (Storms) to mystic groove tracks (Angel). Under-acclaimed at time of release, it is now widely recognised as the great album it is. -Ian, 5/5

#3 Best Albums of 1979- Breakfast in America

2009-02-28T18:36:00.006-06:00

I love supertramp, and this is by far their best album. Where their other good albums fail (Crime of the Century, Quietest Moments), this one succeeds: filling all of the gaps and maintaining high quality throughout. Although obviously, there are highlights: Logical Song, Child of Vision, Goodbye Stranger, the title track, and Nervous Wreck stand out; Take the Long Way Home is the best though. While they had had two hit singles before this (Give a Little Bit; School), this album was their major breakthrough, scoring hit single after single. And with good reason: the great blend of pop and progressive rock which they had been working their way towards for quite some time, the high calibre of songwriting, the bright and not-as-dated-as-you-might-imagine electirc piano, and of course their always-great instrumentation make this by far their best album. -Ian, 5/5

#4 Best Albums of 1979- Damn the Torpedoes

2009-02-28T18:16:00.004-06:00

Coming in at number four is this generation's favourite roots-rock dinosaur hero. (Sorry, Bruce.) Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' best album, and one of the best roots-rock albums ever, Tom and friends combine the best elements of the Byrds, Springsteen, Rolling Stones, Beatles, and the Who. The best song here is obviously the breakthough Refugee, but there isn't a terrible song here. A couple moments are a little behind pace, but this is an excellent album which is one of the best and most important of the decade which it helped close. -Ian, 5/5

#5 Best Albums of 1979- Slow Train Coming by Bob Dylan

2009-02-22T13:43:00.003-06:00

This is beginning to show a bit of an obsession, but no, there's more albums on this list that aren't Dylan, of course. Coming in at #5 is the aforementioned Bobster with his first Christian release. It received mixed reviews upon release, probably more because of its lyrical content than its musical content. The main highlight is the soulful "Gotta Serve Somebody,"and of course the also-soulful title track. Dylan had been eclectic before, but this was a first. There were two Christian albums after this, but this one was easily the best. The excellent album art also begs questions as to its meaning. Open for interpretation, and first-rate music... -Ian

New Countdown- Best Albums of 1979

2009-02-22T13:42:00.002-06:00

So far this is just music. There will be more, trust me, but for now here are the best albums of 1979, [one of?] the final great year[s] in music.

#1 Best Bob Dylan Albums- Highway 61 Revisited

2009-02-14T16:25:00.002-06:00

The announcement all two of you are waiting for! Yipee...

The best of all of his albums, 1965's Highway 61 Revisited is easily one of the best albums ever. Every song is a highlight. The best ones are: Like a Rolling Stone, Desolation Row, Ballad of a Thin Man, Queen Jane, Tom Thumb's Blues... in that order, etc. I don't have time for this now... more later

On That Note...

2009-02-09T16:54:00.003-06:00

Interesting read... as I was speculating on the meaning of Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts from Blood on the Tracks in the last post, I Googled it and found this... http://thecultureclub.wordpress.com/2007/03/23/lily-rosemary-and-the-jack-of-hearts-layers-of-meaning/

Perhaps the thief thing refers to himself, or maybe to the judge who ruled their divorce... in which case he would be saying that the reason for the divorce was her affairs, which I'm not sure about... open ended much?

#2 Best Bob Dylan Albums- Blood on the Tracks

2009-02-09T16:31:00.002-06:00

This is it. The happy couple on the cover of The Freewheelin' are getting divorced.

There are several deliciously skewed accounts of this on 1975's Blood. The most obvious is of course the coarse [sorry] semi-title track Idiot Wind, but Tangled Up In Blue (the best song on here), You're a Big Girl Now, and If You See Her (Say Hello) provide references, and perhaps the anti-epic nine-minute Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts is some kind of symbolistic reference. The double-edged, witty lyrics are one of the real treats here, but the layers and layers of guitars on songs like You're a Big Girl Now and Tangled Up In Blue give them the melancholy, bitterswwet, beautiful sound he was aiming for. And then you have the fun songs, the aforementioned Lily and Idiot Wind, with his best lyrics since at least the 1965-1966 era (Highway and Blonde), the former being reminiscient of the delicious Desolation Row. I like to think it happens on that legenday street. So does Stuck inside of Memphis, Tombstone Blues, and all the rest of his amazingly surreal story songs. This is one of my favorite albums ever... I almost put it at first. But at least now we know what comes next... -Ian, 5.5/5 (lol) Really 5/5

#3 Best Bob Dylan Albums- Blonde on Blonde

2009-02-08T15:57:00.003-06:00

I was thinking of putting it second, but no. No. You should know what is going to be second, because you should have known what was going to be first. It's obvious now...

Blonde on Blonde is perhaps the most eclectic album that he ever made. Strange, cynical, surreal lyrics merge with the most varied music he ever put on one album. There's rock'n'roll (Obviously Five Believers, Leopardskin Pillbox Hat), folk (Visions of Johanna), and even parodies (Fourth Time Around). Everything else is somewhere in between.

Many of the songs are too small to be considered alone. Like most great double-albums, it is best digested whole. The best are hard to point out, obviously Stuck... Blues and Just Like a Woman and I Want You and Fourth Time Around are instant classics, but there are plenty of forgotten gems among the interesting sounds of these two records/CD's/whatever your fancy's. My favorites are One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later), Most Likely You Go Your Way, Absolutely Sweet Marie, and Obviously Five Believers, and while all of the songs are excellent, they continue to grow on you until you can't stand it anymore, and you listen to it several times in a row. ... That's what happened to me. Every once in a while I'll just listen to the entire thing like 5 times in a row. -Ian, 5/5

#4 Best Bob Dylan Albums- The Freewheelin'

2009-02-07T18:45:00.002-06:00

Some may question my decisioni to put this ant #4 and not #2. But you and I both know which three albums are next.

Dylan's best album from his folk period, it contains classics such as Blowin' in the Wind, Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall, and Masters of War, as well as the original Girl from the North Country. There are several Dylan-ised covers here, and they are good, but the sheer weight, influence, and skill of the folk originals make this possibly the best album of 1963, or perhaps the best folk album ever. -Ian, 5/5

#5 Best Bob Dylan Albums- Nashville Skyline

2009-02-06T17:26:00.003-06:00

1969's Nashville Skyline was Bob Dylan's only real country album. He went through many phases in his career, and this is one of the calmest, a laid-back style with vocals like we have never heard from him before. He is one part himself, one part Willie Nelson, and one part Frank Sinatra vocally.

Musically, he abandons rock almost completely and focuses on milky country-folk-rock-whatever-hybrid which is much more country than any folk he ever had or will try. He even goes so far as to duet with the then-aging now-dead Johnny Cash on the interesting "Girl from the North Country."

The best song here is the finale, "Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You," although "Lay Lady Lay" is amost just as good. Each track is enjoyable, especially for country fans and fans of his folk era. This isn't normal Dylan, and it's definitely not my favorite genre, but this is an excellent and rewarding listen.

This one was the hardest to place... My first instinct was Basement Tapes, Empire Burlesque, Slow Train Coming, New Morning, Bringing it all Back Home... there's so many I could have chosen beyond the obvious top four. I actually am starting to think I should have put Bringing here... 5/5 -Ian

Upcoming Top5's

2009-02-06T17:23:00.001-06:00

Upcoming Top 5 lists are...

Best Bob Dylan Album

Best Movie in the 1970s

Best Show On Tv Right Now

First Post

2009-02-06T17:11:00.003-06:00

This is my first post... I am hoping to add more authors soon, and this blog is about nothing and everything all at once. Lots of Top 5 lists, Top 10 lists, and a smattering of hopelessly skewed takes on news stories. Erm, enjoy?